Seasons of Family Life: Using Time Buckets to Create Memories That Matter
- drleoniewhite
- 1 day ago
- 7 min read
Recently, a colleague recommended the book “Die With Zero: Getting All You Can From Your Money and Your Life” by Bill Perkins. I thought it sounded interesting and decided to give it a read. I found one chapter in particular really caught my attention: time buckets. It’s a simple but impactful idea — especially when we hold it alongside a core concept in family therapy: the Family Life Cycle.
As a family therapist, I see every day how families move through predictable stages — from forming a relationship, welcoming babies, raising school-age kids, navigating the teen years, shifting into empty-nesting, and caring for ageing parents. These stages shape the emotional tone of family life, the challenges, and the opportunities for connection.
Bill Perkins’ idea of time buckets gives us a fresh way to think intentionally about those stages — not just in terms of development or challenges, but in terms of experiences we want to have and memories we want to create before a window closes.
“My experience with the Heffalump movie is just one example. For several years, I was living the life of a dad who watches his favourite kids’ movie surrounded by his young children. But then one day that stage of my life and their life was gone.
I’m still here, of course, and I can still enjoy other experiences with my daughters – watching their soccer games and dance recitals, for example, and taking them on trips.
But someday they will grow up and that version of me will disappear, too.”
Bill Perkins, 2021, p 136
This blog is about weaving the two ideas of time buckets and the family life cycle together so you can create memories, connection and meaning at each stage of your family’s life.
So, What Are Time Buckets?
Time buckets are Perkins’ way of organising your life into meaningful phases (or “buckets”) and asking:
What experiences belong in this stage of my life — right now — that won’t be as possible later?
Perkin’s talks about inevitable aging and gives the example of knowing there will be a point in his life when he won’t ever go wave-running again. This got me thinking about hikes I’d like to do and the difference between walking trails I can do now and those I could do 20 or 30 years from now. And it got me thinking about what family activities I can do at this stage of family life that we would all enjoy that may not appeal to teens and young adults in years to come?
Instead of putting everything on the “someday” list, time buckets help us notice that:
Your energy, time, health, responsibilities and relationships change with each life phase.
Some experiences lose their meaning — or simply aren’t feasible — if you postpone them for too long.
If you don’t plan for the things that matter, life’s default mode (work, busyness, routine) will take over.
In other words, time buckets are about living intentionally before time quietly slips by.
What Is the Family Life Cycle?
In family therapy, the Family Life Cycle describes the predictable stages families move through over time.
While every family is unique, most move through variations of these phases:
Coupling up – Building a life together.
Families with young children – Adjusting to parenting and expanding roles.
Families with school-age children – Routines, learning, friendships.
Families with adolescents – Identity, independence, boundaries, emotional intensity.
Launching young adults – Letting go, redefining relationships.
Middle adulthood – Caring for ageing parents, renegotiating partnership roles.
Later life – Grandparenting, retirement, legacy, meaning.
Each stage brings developmental tasks, stressors, and opportunities for connection.
Find out more about the Family Life Cycle in this YouTube Clip
Let’s put these two ideas of the Family Life Cycle and Time Buckets together with a map metaphor: If the Family Life Cycle is the “map,” Time Buckets are your personal “highlights list” — the intentional experiences you want to create in each stage, before that chapter closes.
Why These Two Ideas Fit Together Beautifully
When we combine the Family Life Cycle with Time Buckets, something important happens. We can become more intentional instead of living life on automatic pilot and start planning experiences that nurture connection during the windows when they matter most.
This stops us from:
“Waking up” after a few busy years and realising you didn’t spend the time you hoped with your kids.
Missing the chance to enjoy the stage you’re in because you’re always preparing for the next one.
Forgetting that each stage has its own “use-it-or-lose-it” opportunities.
Instead, we begin to ask: What does this stage of our family life make possible — right now — that won’t be the same later?
And just as importantly: What connections or memories do we want to build in this stage?
Some Practical Strategies for Parents
Here are some concrete ways to use Time Buckets to enrich your family life, with examples grounded in the key stages families often move through. This is not a prescriptive list – it’s a list to get you thinking and inspired to come up with what matters to you and your family.
1. Early Childhood Bucket (0–5 years)
Theme: Wonder, play, attachment, rhythms.
Experiences to consider:
Special “micro-routines” like a bedtime song or morning cuddle ritual.
Weekly or fortnightly park adventures exploring different local playgrounds.
Slow weekends at home building cubbies, making pancakes, or playing dress-ups.
Capturing cute mispronunciations, favourite books, and little quirks before they disappear.
Why now?
These years lay the foundation for lifelong relational connection.
2. Primary School Years Bucket (6–12 years)
Theme: Curiosity, skill-building, shared interests.
Experiences to consider:
Start a shared hobby — cooking, fishing, reading the same books, gardening.
Do one “big learning project” together each year (e.g., ride bikes as a family, learn a musical instrument, try geocaching).
A regular family movie and popcorn night.
Take road trips to see parts of Australia they’re learning about in school.
Why now?
Kids at this age love spending time with parents — but the window is already starting to shift by the tween years.
3. Teen Years Bucket (13–18 years)
Theme: Independence, identity, peer connection.
This is the bucket parents most often miss — not intentionally, but because the pace of life explodes, teens prefer peers, and parents assume their child isn’t interested.
But this window is precious. Teens still need you — just differently.
Find out more about how your teen needs you in this blog
Experiences to consider with your teen:
Create a parent-teen tradition (weekly coffee/hot chocolate, monthly breakfast dates, night walks with the dog).
Do a meaningful “rite of passage” experience, like a hike, camping trip, or volunteering together.
Invite them to teach you something they love — music, gaming, digital editing, a sport.
Share adult-to-almost-adult conversations about values, friendships, navigating conflict, money, or identity.
Plan a “before they leave home” bucket list, e.g.,
Visiting a coastal town they loved as a kid
Seeing a concert together
Taking a short trip, even just overnight
Cooking through a favourite recipe book
Doing a “family photoshoot” before they spread their wings
Why now?
This could be the last stage when they live fully under your roof. Their world expands dramatically in late adolescence and it’s great to have memories and relationship threads that stretch into adulthood.
4. Launching Young Adults (18–25)
Theme: Letting go while staying connected.
Experiences to consider:
One “big conversation” each year about goals, wellbeing, relationships, money, and meaning.
Adult-to-adult activities: brunch, gym sessions, bushwalks, gaming, weekend markets.
Supporting them in practical ways — helping them move, set up a home, or manage first-job stress.
Why now?
Your role has well and truly shifted from director to consultant and this stage is about staying connected without crowding.
5. Midlife & Later Life Buckets
Theme: Reconnection, legacy, contribution.
Think about:
Travelling or doing adventures while health and mobility allow.
Creating traditions with adult children or grandchildren.
Sharing family stories, recipes, histories, or wisdom before they fade.
A Simple Exercise to Get Started
Grab a piece of paper, or sit down as a family, and write:
My/Our Time Buckets
Divide the page into your family’s current stages (e.g., “Teens,” “Adults in Midlife,” “Grandparenting”).
Under each bucket, write:
What is unique about this stage?
What experiences are only possible now — or best done now?
What’s one small weekly ritual and one bigger yearly experience we want to commit to?
Stick it on the fridge. Review it every 6–12 months. Treat it as living, breathing — just like your family.
The Heart of It All
Time Buckets and the Family Life Cycle both remind us of a simple truth:
Family life is made of seasons — and each season has gifts we only get once.
When we notice the season we’re in, and choose experiences that strengthen connection, we’re not just planning activities. We are building a story — a family story — that our children will carry into their adult lives.
And that, as Perkins suggests, is one of the most meaningful kinds of wealth any family can create.
"Connection is why we're here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives."
Brene Brown
“Remember: In the end, the business of life is the acquisition of memories. So what are you waiting for?”
Bill Perkins
How will you use Time Buckets to connect as a family at different Family Life Cycle stages?
How can thinking about the Family Life Cycle help you live, parent and connect more intentionally?
What will you do more of?
What will you stop doing?
What will you start doing?
Leonie :)
Dr Leonie White - Clinical Family Therapist and Psychologist
Helping people grow, connect and thrive in life’s unique journey.
Please note - this article is educational in nature and does not constitute therapy advice.
Please seek help from a professional if you require support.
Photo Attributions:
Photos from Vecteezy Pro & Canva Pro
References
McGoldrick, M., Carter, B. & Garcio-Preto, N. (2011). The expanded family life cycle: Individual, family, and social perspectives (4th ed). Pearson.
Perkins, B. (2021). Die With Zero: Getting All You Can From Your Money And Your Life. Mariner Books.
White, L. The Family Life Cycle https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrFQrIbZ0Bg&t=9s
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