The Rhythm of Growing Up: Life Lessons from Dance

In the lead up to my first National dance competition I’ve been thinking a lot about dance, a lifetime of dancing and what that’s taught me.

Dance might not be your thing, but I hope you have a thing, and that it lights you up and helps you through life.

How to take feedback.

When you are a dancer, you have to learn the choreography, and to perform it the way the teacher, choreographer, examiner or judge wants to see it done.  This means that constructive feedback is essential:  There’s a lot to think about when you are using your whole body, and you often need help to realise what you are doing, and what you should be doing.  You might not always like the feedback, and you might want to decide which parts, if any, to take on board (knowing this will impact you being selected in an audition or placing in a competition), but you can’t choose if you don’t have the feedback in the first place.  Being open to feedback and seeing the constructive intention in the feedback makes you better.

Never leave anyone behind.

Around the time I got my driver’s licence and first car, I was at my dance school all day Saturday, either dancing or helping teach.  There were a few of us around my age or just older doing the same thing, and of course, my teacher.  This was a long time ago, when we all had older cars, and we would always wait for everyone’s car to start before we drove off to make sure we were all okay.  We were a group of young women looking out for each other’s safety, regardless of how close or distant our friendships were, and what else we had to get to.

Dedication, hard work, and practice pay off.

There’s something really special about noticing yourself improve through dedication, hard work, and practice, even when those improvements are small increments.  When you work for something, whether that’s learning a new move or routine, and you feel yourself improve and eventually master it, you learn that you can always get better.

Noticing small gains leads to bigger gains.

Sometimes learning a new step or routine, or developing more strength or flexibility, takes time.  Learning to see the little steps along the way to the bigger goal helps to stay the course and not give up.  Every little (or tiny) step is a step in the right direction.

A shared love is a great connector.

Over the years, I’ve grown up dancing as a kid, tried a couple of different dance schools and styles, and found an adult class in recent years where I feel accepted and connected.  There’s something really special about coming together with a group of people who are completely different but who share a love of the same thing – dance.  It’s not just the relationship connection; it is that you can be completely different and still come together over something that matters to you…and leave everything else at the door.

We rise by lifting others up.

I’ve been in some very competitive groups, some very supportive groups, and some groups that were both competitive and supportive.  Yep, that’s right, you can give something your all and be competitive while still being part of a collective and helping others.  I have so appreciated my dance friends who support me with feedback and advice to help me become the best dancer I can be, and I like to help where I can, too.  There’s something really special about helping each other improve and cheering each other on – despite the competition, you’re still a collective, a part of something.

An activity that completely occupies you while you do it is gold!

When I am at my dance class, or competing, or performing, there’s no room for my mind to have anything on it other than what I am doing in the moment.  It’s true mindfulness, living only in the moment, and my mind and body benefit from this.

Failure can be good for you.

I can’t remember how old I was – maybe around 10 – when I failed my first dance exam.  Typically, I’d do pretty well at exams, but I had forgotten about this exam, and my folks couldn’t remind me because I’d also forgotten to give them the note about it.  So I turned up unprepared, danced, and failed the exam.  I can still picture that hall in my mind.  I can still also remember my teacher completely accepting me, while she also pointed out that this is what happens when you don’t prepare.  And you know what…I never failed another exam again.  Failure is a great teacher. 

Play is necessary as an adult

There are different types of play, and dance is a type of creative play.  I have danced most of my life since I was about 3 or 4 years old, only having a year off here and there e.g., when I lived overseas for a year and when I first became a mum.  I noticed a difference in myself when I wasn’t dancing, and when I found an adult class that I fit into and started dancing again, I felt more joyful and at ease.  You don’t have to dance, but I encourage you to find a type of play that suits you.

Having something that brings you joy helps to manage really tough times.

Life has a way of throwing curveballs, challenges, and changes.  We don’t always get to choose our circumstances or what happens to us in life, but we do get to choose how we respond to them.  For me, having something that brings me joy, connection, and a mindful break from life’s challenges has been a key to getting through tough times.  It’s not just the actual dancing, but the relational connection.  I might or might not tell my dance friends what I am going through – it doesn’t matter because sometimes just being with people doing something we love gives our hearts and minds a break.

My wish for you is that you find something that brings you joy, peace, and play no matter where you are in life or what life has handed you.  You might not have grown up doing an activity but it’s never too late to experiment with different activities and find something to move forward with in life. 

Leonie :)

Dr Leonie White

Clinical Family Therapist and Psychologist

Helping people grow, connect and thrive in life’s unique journey.

Please note - this article is educational in nature and does not constitute therapy advice.

Please seek help from a professional if you require support.

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